Garden Gnomes

Some of you may have thought that the (alliteration!) garden gnome on the right side of my blog was cute, may even funny. I'll bet what you least expected is that it was a sign of my seeking for world domination. All I'm saying is that I may or may not be in alliance with garden gnomes world wide, and I've decided to warn my loved ones. Here is your only chance for survival.

The author, Chuck Sambuchino, has been trying to thwart our operation for years. He reveals our plans in the book summary.

Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.

There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.
Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeter isbreached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.

You've been warned, prepare.

P.S. This post is a joke, I am not teamed up with evil garden gnomes. Please do not send the FBI after me.

P.P.S. I will not comment on my relations with lawn flamingos.